About Kathy Bence’s Blog

Like a cockroach in an ice cream sundae, I believe linking polygamy to God is not only unappealing but harmful. Throughout my years of devoted Church membership, whenever plural marriage was defended, I found it troubling and nonsensical.

It was troubling because it called God’s goodness into question. Before I joined the Church, I never had to imagine God sanctioning eternal polygamy nor question why He commanded something that damaged His children and their families.

It was nonsensical because both the Church-sanctioned explanations and the member-invented speculations seemed like nonsense. This nonsense contradicts scripture and other gospel teachings. Church leaders have not clarified, but continue to downplay and, when forced, defend this troubling nonsense that causes harm.

Plural marriage is still part of the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Doctrine and Covenants Section 132 spells it out and, although it’s not currently practiced in this life, men can be sealed to additional wives in the Church’s temples.  With that background, here are some reasons for this blog:

1. Teaching that plural marriage is of God, whether historical or eternal, makes no sense. Our polygamy history provides reasons to doubt this doctrine. Still, my focus is that this belief, even without the messy history, is incompatible with common sense, the scriptures, or Jesus’ teachings.

2. God does not condone plural marriage and I want to defend God and His goodness. Using God to justify this principle is doing evil in His name, which has the tragic consequence of turning others away from Him.

3. For many years I distrusted God because I believed, and hated, Section 132 and its plural marriage teachings. So not only does the practice of polygamy cause harm, but a belief in eternal polygamy causes harm. In a small way, I want to add to the many voices showing the need to toss this teaching.

If our polygamy history or the prospect of eternal plural marriage doesn’t trouble you…good for you!  But to have empathy for those who don’t share your perspective, consider the following statement by Lindsay Hansen Park:

“It causes chronic anxiety in so many LDS women. I wager LDS polygamy is challenging in different ways than for those women who actually live the principle in different Mormon fundamentalist sects (not to discount the challenges, but based on what I've seen it haunts LDS women in other ways). Because fundamentalist women can "leave" polygamy but LDS women can't. It's a ghost as Carol Lynn Pearson says and it doesn't stop haunting you. Because we are taught it's weird and wicked and gross, so bad that we abandoned it, but it will be our heaven. LDS people become gold-medal gymnasts to make sense of the mental turmoil this causes. At least actual plural wives have a model and support around them. They grow up with multiple mothers, they see the lived reality, for better or for worse. But LDS women? They can only use their imaginations based on the terrible stories they hear, with their own insecurities as building blocks.”

Some men and women appear to be at peace with this principle; obviously, I am not one of them, nor would I presume to speak for them. So my thoughts alone are expressed on this site, along with my interpretation of the insights of others.